Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i think i have two assholes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
