dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
