Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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