yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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