but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
