is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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