I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
