and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
