Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
