Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
