Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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