you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
