he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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