One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
