erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
