ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
