He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
