Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
