She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
