I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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