Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
