Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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