I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
