Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The adults are the big ones right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
