I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
