I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
