you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
