In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
