I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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