Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
