Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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