i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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