did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
