We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
