So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
