You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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