So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
