Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
