His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
