what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
this just has baby written all over it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
