OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
