i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i think my cat just said my name.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
