Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
