When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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