I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
