I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
