I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
