I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
