is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
