I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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