note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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