I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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