"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
