where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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