I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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