dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
