Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
