dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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