I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
