Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
