I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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