my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because Iām drunk alone and hungry.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
