jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
