Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
