I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was born a porn star she said
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
