i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
