she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He better not be in your backpack
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
