The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
