just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
