God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
