The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
