The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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