A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
