Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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