when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You ruined the universe
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
