he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
